An Aside: A Slice in Time

Before you watch this video, be warned that this one is different. Instead of sailing around, I'm just sitting on the sailboat with the cat watching other boaters pass by and contemplating what they're contemplating.

Here's why:

As we pass each other by, we get a few minutes of each other's time to say hello, catch up, then go about our business. That little slice of time is when most of us create storylines in our heads to continue their story once they depart. Sometimes we fully listen so we can gain a true understanding, without bias, of what the other person was trying to say or had experienced. Other times, we can't wait to share our story or we have somewhere to be, so it's only an exchange of pleasantries where neither side feels fully understood.

But today, since it was just boaters waving at boaters, I got to think about it a little more. As other boaters were passing by, some waving some not, some making wake, most not, I really wondered what impressions they leave with. I watched the fancy boats, the little boats, the "I'm rich" boats passing by and everyone was having a blast since it was a calm, sunny day. I kept thinking how nice they must have it to be out here and in that boat! I wonder if they were thinking the same thing of me, as I sat there looking completely at peace, smoking a cigar, and petting the cat.

In that little slice of time when we observed each other and created stories and imagined how the other might feel, I realized that those stories we create for each other are based off of one tiny little slice of time. We don't get all the details, so what they saw of me was the perfect image: a completely relaxed sailor on a beautiful day. They don't know that this evening was only the second evening in a long time where I got to fully relax. Where I intentionally told myself, out loud, that I shouldn't feel guilty for relaxing and not doing anything that evening.

Things pile up for me, as they do for everyone else. I have a whole list of self-imposed things I'm working on. And then things on the boat jump in front of everything on that list and say, "Hey, I don't feel like working today."

We never really know what other people are dealing with or how they got to where they are today. If we're just waving to say hello and never learned anything about the other person, how do we create a story or imagine how they got there? Do we generate their story from our own experiences and try to piece together things we experienced to try and create their story?

It's like writing this: I only know the words I know to use. I can't imagine new words and meanings for those words and expect others to understand them. So when I try to imagine a story for someone else, my imagination can only use the words it knows how to use; it can't use words the other person knows but I don't. So my brain pieces together a story with my experiences and forces them to fit into a mold it think that person belongs in.

So next time you see someone and form a story that you think that person belongs in, think about this: Is it based off of your experiences, or theirs? Or better yet, take the time to go listen to them. No opinions, only questions, just listening to understand. Maybe then we can imagine that person's story using their experiences and their vocabulary. Can't hurt to try, right?

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